WTF?! Compilation Pt 1

I’ve had my fair share of weird but every now and then I’ll have an experience that’ll leave me saying WTF?!

Here’s some top picks from the archives.

Big ass Troy Palomalo looking Samoan jumps in my car grabs my Super Big Gulp full of water downs it then proceeded to pour a beer into it! All the while eyeballing me like Jules Winfield did Brett in Pulp Fiction when he downed his Sprite! WTF?!

This drunk girl jumped in my car asked me to give her a ride. I explained it was an app service and she said can I just give you my credit card? Uh, No. WTF?!

Gave a ride to another drunk lady and her 10 yr old daughter. Asked what she did for a living and she said she was a broker then spelled H-O-O-K-E-R! Her daughter was in the 4th grade I’m pretty sure she knew what that spelled! WTF?!

Ernesto had a coworker he was attracted to who had a boyfriend. The interesting thing is her and her boyfriend had an open relationship. The weird thing is when one wants to venture outside the relationship the “prospect” must be interviewed by the couple first. WTF?!

An Irish guy from the Bronx told me a story about a time he walked into a bar in Oakland full of black guys. Being the only white guy in the bar he thought it would clever to say “Ok everyone I’m a fed I need everyone to put their hands on the table and remain calm.” WTF?! Well I guess that’s one way to break the ice! Obviously he lived to tell the story!

I was waiting on a rider and when he arrived he apologized for the wait said he had just finished putting a load in laundry. WTF?! I was like what kind of fetish is this guy into?

Picked up this guy Devon a white coming from a Furry Convention. He was wearing a big raccoon hat and a tail. And yet for some reason he thought bronies were gay. WTF?!

Two men hopped in my car and started coversating about somevguns they had stowed in their trunks… I was like shit did I just pick up some hitmen?! Turns out they were off duty cops… Whew! Seconds later I picked a guy who was fresh out on parole! WTF?!

Picked up a girl who sits in my front seat pulls out a pipe and asks if I mind if she blazed? Hell yeah I fucking mind! I got kids I can’t have my car reeking of weed!!! WTF?!

A couple I was driving told me a story about an Uber driver who picked up a passenger who rolled down the back window and fired a gun at a passing house! An Uber drive-by?! WTF?!

Upon giving a ride to a homely woman in her late 40’s on her way to the airport I noticed she had no bags. Upon inquiring as to why she had no luggage she told me she was flying to Oregon to see a plumber. Without hesitation I said “Wow you must be very particular about who cleans your pipes!” Whoops! WTF?! For some reason the rest of the ride was uncomfortably silent!

Another Uber driver told a story about picking up a lady headed to the airport. He knocked on the door to assist her with her luggage. Oddly, she answered the door butt-naked! WTF?!

Picked up this couple from a company party at Hotel Valencia. His wife was a smoking blonde a bit tipsy though. When she got in car she took off shoes and laid her head in his lap. Seconds later I caught a whiff of something wretched. I thought, did this chick just fart and as reading my thoughts he turns to his wife and says ” Did you just fart”? WTF I was embarrassed for the both of us!

I picked up a young lady early New Years morning who mentioned she just moved to SF from San Diego and had been house hopping while she was trying to get established. I asked what brought her to SF and she explained she recently got divorced. I sympathized and said “That sucks, couldn’t keep it in his pants huh?” She said “Not him. Me!” Oh Snap!

I had a chat with a lady boy named Andy who I picked up from Shareworks (a hook up spa for homosexuals located in Oakland). Now Andy was a straight hustler and self proclaimed sugar baby. “What’s a sugar baby?” I asked. He said he has old rich guys pay him. Evidently, these guys love to be dominated and he just demands money from them and they pay up. The majority of his “clients” he doesn’t even see! Just talks to them over the phone! WTF?! Much safer than being an escort I imagine!

This morning I asked this guy Guillermo about his work he snapped at me and said he didn’t want to talk about his job because he hated everything about it. The work, the people, the culture… Everything! WTF?! I told him better to have a job and hate it than to be unemployed!

Now Helen was a black chef who happened to work for a Japanese cuisine. Now I could stop there but it gets better!

I had the windows rolled down to air out the stench from the previous ride. She said “Man you got all your windows rolled down!” I said “Do you want me to roll them up?” She said “Do I? I’m not trying to have my wig blown off!” WTF?!

If you have any rideshare stories that you’d like to share I would love to hear them!

Too much bullshitting!

Now before I jump into this story I want to preface that in no way am I trying to slander or disrespect any one culture or the way they talk. I’m giving you the story as I heard it. Nothing more.

Ok so the other day I stopped at a McDonalds in Oakland around 2am to use the restroom and recharge. I pulled up to another Uber driver, an Indian fella who introduced himself as Hari.

He asked me if I drive for Uber and Lyft(as if my decals didn’t give it away) I said… yeah. He said “I don’t drive for Lyft. They are no good. They are too much bullshitting.”

I was curious so I bit. “How so?”

Hari goes on to tell me that Lyft evidently deactivated him for too many customer complaints. “Lyft, they banned me. permanently, now I only drive for Uber. Uber they are different 3, 4 times already they deactivated me for too many customer complaints. ”

“But I drive for Uber for a long tine. Since 2015 I am driving . They say Hari we know you are good driver. Some complain some do not, the it’s all the same.”

“Uber, they understand. I am deactivated one month, 2mth, I re-register; they approve. no problem. But Lyft they deactivate me permanently. Fuck them they are too much bullshitting!”

Now I’m thinking Bro you are not seeing a trend here?! Both companies deactivated you for poor customer service! Instead of complaining about the company, why not look at the root of the problem! Apparently your customer service skills suck!

Too often I hear stories about drivers being rude to their riders, getting heated because a rider suggests a different route even to the point of kicking riders out of their car?!

The way I see it if a rider suggests a better route it’s probably faster which means you can get to your next ride faster. So why not take the guidance? It’s a win-win!

The only time I see this as a problem is when a rider opts for a Express POOL but then tries to beat the system by having you drop them off at their actual destination instead of the drop off point. I’ve only had that happen a couple times. Most people understand the game and are willing to play by the rules.

The other situation is when you pick up multiple passengers on a single UberPOOL or Lyft LINE and they want you to make multiple stops. That’s when you politely tell them that’s not how it works. Of course money is a powerful motivator and I might be persuaded to drive a couple of extra blocks if the tip is solid.

Bottom line there is no reason to be rude or impolite. Drivers are just trying to make that money and riders are just trying to get to their destinations. Why not make the best of the experience?